I'm so empty (long, sorry!)?

Hi, I didn't think I'd do this but I guess I need to put my thoughts in one place. I don't know what the point is anymore. I work for less than minimum wage at a job with great potential but I'm never noticed no matter what I do. I was abused as a child by a family member - i didnt tell anyone because i didnt want to break up my family but now i resent them for not helping and have pretty much pushed people away since, slowly pushing all of my close friends away and each and every boyfriend. I'm lonely I guess, my own fault but still. I try to alter myself to be the best I can be but it never seems to be good enough and I end up hating myself. I hate the way I look so much. At my lowest points I sit and scratch at my stomach and thighs punishing myself for being so ugly, it feels good knowing no one knows. I'm not successful at anything I do and always seem to do something wrong no matter how hard I try. I have always achieved good grades without much effort and I left school when I heard about an internship because I wanted to start being 'grown up' and start making a life of my own, i vastly underestimated how hard it'd be and now I work as an underpaid lettings agent. It's like I'm always one step away from the edge, just teetering. I definitely don't want to be here. I want purpose I've looked into volunteering but I don't think I can be much help to someone without first sorting out my problems and maybe I'm beyond help I feel empty. I'm not here looking for sympathy or even advice, I just need to vent and I'm sorry if I've wasted your time reading it. I'm sure there are so many people in much worse situations - look at japan - i feel selfish and hate myself even more. I'm at the edge of pushing my current boyfriend away he's been so patient with me but the pressure of our long distance relationship means when we do see eachother we argue sometimes and i know its getting to him - it's getting to me - i know i'm slowly pushing him away and i cant stop it its like im watching my actions out of my body i cant control whats happening and what i'm doing i just sabotage sabotage sabotage anything that makes me remotely happy. I know this is typical 'my parents hate me' and i know that they dont hate me but i think they blame a lot on me - whenever something goes missing its always my fault whenever something gets broken its always my fault i can't even do right by them and its just getting too much. I have tried to end my life twice, once when I was 13 and once when I was 17. I can't look back and think they were a dark time but i'm over it because to be honest i felt exactly as i do at the moment - so close to giving up. I have tried calling the samaritans but I couldnt bring myself to say anything - i feel so stupid and petty that these things make me want to end my life when there are people with such hardships battling through. I would love to one day be in the position of a samaritan - i think they're amazing, helping people who feel helpless find hope I would love to be in the position to be so at peace with myself that I can offer my advice to others, even just to listen to someone who like me just needs to get the tormenting thoughts out of their head. I've never spoken about any of these issues to anyone before, to this day no one knows the extent to which I was abused and i dont think i will ever have the courage to admit it. I'm ashamed, it feels like it was my fault like I gave the impression that I wanted it. It started when I was six and ended when I no longer saw that family member due to seperate family disputes, the relief was indescribable but sometimes my parents talk about him and i feel sick and shakey. I have panic attacks regularly whenever things feel like theyre getting on top of me and just too much and it takes me hours to calm down and I'm not 'normal' again for a week or so. At the moment I'm preparing for a surgical procedure and I'm panicking so much and so scared not of the operation but the aftercare - I can't not go to work for the 6 week recovery time! I can't even have a week off without risking my job :( For anyone going through similar problems please if you have more courage than me take steps to make your life better and phone the samaritans 08457909090 they are amazing people who give me slight hope there is something out there for me. I hope to find purpose some day SOON because I can not take much more. xx

How do you do a detox diet?

i have read about it and it just says eat fruit and veg? can someone please give me more details, also what are you supposed to drink?

Why do little old ladies always win contests....seriously?

Okay, every time I enter a contest, or I enter someone else and there's a little old lady, she wins automatically. On the last two cruises that I went on, I learned how to expertly make those towel animals and each time I had an entire zoo of animals, all neatly intact and I made mine faster than anyone. But someone's grandmother won. She made towel animals that fell apart and the judge even helped her a little bit. She won the prize. A couple of people in the audience told me that I should have won. Also, in a local contest in town, they had a Good Samaritan/Good Neighbor contest for people who have done acts of kindness or done acts of heroism. I nominated a nurse friend of mine who has helped to save lives several times and has achieved honors from the hospital where she works, but they gave the prize to a little old lady who made pin-cushions for her friends. Then we had a best essay contest about why we like our neighborhood, and I and a friend joined forces to write terrific essay which many people thought would win for sure. But nope, some little old lady entered a paragraph or two and won the grand prize. Don't get me wrong, I love senior citizens, but has anyone else noticed how they always win in contests, or is it just me and my luck? In fact, one of the judges in the Good Samaritan contest told me in confidence that she cast her vote for the pin cushion lady because she wanted to make her feel good, and besides she deserves some happiness since she may not have too many years left. Am I heartless to get sort of frustrated that I'm always upstaged by a senior citizen at these contests?

How successful is the lemon detox diet?

Detoxing is a complex game of biochemistry. The lemon detox is popular, but there are other options that are not so harsh. Try to eliminate the bad stuff and add in the "clean" foods and you will begin to crave healthier food. The detox itself is meant to reset your body to proceed with a healthier eating pattern. For more on how to properly detox see the article below at:

What can we give our dog to help speed up her detox from an overrage of a pain medicine?

we accidentally have our dog too much of her pain meds, and the vet said as long as she isnt vomitting she isn't vomitting she doesn't need to come in. But she is very lethargic and we wanted to know if there is something we can give her to excelerate the detox process?

How long does it take the body to rid it's self of toxins?

I've made a serious change in my life due to a job that i want to apply for in August. So no more smoking weed or cigarets or drinking. I haven't touched any of that in about 2 weeks, but i made a promise to my best friend of 15 years that we would party it up for her 25th, which is this up coming weekend. I'm a strong willed person and my ability 2 quit was as easy as snapping my fingers so there is no biggie there. what i want to know is if i drink and smoke cigs, this Saturday and nvr again, how long will it take for those toxins to leave my body entire body???starting July 1st I'm going to fast for 4 to 5 days, drinking only juices (fruit and veggie) and water. then I'm going to drink this green tea detox recommended by a friend by zydot and around July 25th or so I'm going to use zydots hair cleansing shampoo that opens up hair follicles and cleanses them of any toxins. ( thc, nicotine, cotinine) by then my body should be completely rid of all of those toxins right???

Where is the love, please help a girl in distress!?

To what extent will you sacrifice your standards to find the truly "nice" guy? Is being nice *really* all you want?